Perfectionism is killing your vibe.

Perfectionism is killing your vibe.

“Embrace vulnerability so that you can be set free from fear.”

— Kemi Sogunle

Perfectionism is a self-destructive (and addictive) belief system that we adopt out of a desire for protection from pain. The thoughts that construct a perfectionistic mindset are founded on the belief that if we just act perfect enough, if we just try hard enough, then we can avoid or minimize all of the pain other (less perfect) humans are forced to experience, like disappointment, rejection, blame, shame, guilt, humiliation, and so on.

But the truth is?

THERE IS NO PAIN FREE LIFE.

You cannot be fully present for this incredible human experience without facing and feeling discomfort. It is a natural & important part of being here. Which means…

You are not a failure for getting hurt or going through something painful. Experiencing pain is not your fault and not a reason to beat yourself up (i.e. by binge eating if you fail a test or botch a presentation at work).

In fact… believing that you “should” be able to live in such a way to avoid pain & discomfort is 100% killing your vibe.

Perfectionism is the thing that is causing you so much anxiety, overwhelm, and dissatisfaction. It is the invisible energy drain sucking away all of your connection, confidence, and joy.

So, what to do about perfectionism?

The best thing you can do for yourself is pick your pain. This means accepting that you do not have ultimate control over your life. You simply have influence.

When you are free from the illusions of perfectionism, you are able to use your influence to pick your pain. You can choose the pain of staying in a relationship that drains your energy, or you can choose the pain of leaving & grieving. But at some point, you have to choose.

The ironic part? Picking your pain actually increases your sense control, the very thing your perfectionism was trying to help you feel. While striving for perfection undermines your confidence, utilizing your influence to make choices that align with your highest good, even if it means experiencing pain, is actually what builds confidence.

So do yourself a favor this month and instead of striving to be perfect, strive to be willing to pick your pain. I promise you, you have the strength within you to get through it.

And if you want or need support, reach out. Cosana is here to help.

A note from Haley on Surfing & Perfectionism

If I still abided by my old perfectionist ways, I would not be a surfer.

In fact, I probably would be unwilling to even get in the water in Puerto Rico if perfectionism were still guiding my behavior! Learning a new sport in new waves requires extreme bravery & humility. In other words, it requires a willingness to look dumb af, in public, repeatedly.

And perfectionism does not leave any room for learning & feeling stupid.

To get to the fun part of surfing, I have had to be willing to get shut down by waves that others easily paddle through; miss perfect peaks for reasons I logically understand, but my body has not quite figured out; and fall off of waves I finally caught simply because my feet were in the wrong position, leading me to get pummeled by a wave I really wanted to be on top of, not under.

But…

I get to choose: Experiencing the pain of looking like a “kook” while learning or the pain of watching others enjoy the surf from the comfort of the beach.

I choose the pain of learning. And let me tell you, it is so worth it.

XOXO,

Haley Schiek, CPC, E-CYT250